How to friend-ZONE a guy!

I know this is a weird topic to talk about but let's do it! Let us talk about the f word! If you're thinking about the "other" f word then darling, YOU NEED HELP! I am talking about the friend zone epidemic that is spreading through this nation. If you don't know what friend zone is, here is the ghetto definition: its when someone wants to date/have sex with a person but the person don't find them sexually attractive and only wants to be a friend to that person. 

Now that you know let's learn how to effectively put a guy into that zone! Men friend zone girls too but I find it typically happens to men, maybe they're too pigheaded to get the message that the girl don't like them. In other words, friend zone is just another way to say "sorry, I wouldn't sleep with you even if you were the last remaining human being in the world!" 

Step one: Think about it

You have to think about whether you would like to date that person before deciding that they're friend zone material. You should think about the pro's and con's of being in any kind of relationship with him. What would be the pleasures! You shouldn't date him when you know that you're not sexually attractive to him neither should you date him out of pity! That's just not going to end well. If you see him as just a friend then there's no way in hell that's going to change. I am not saying that its impossible for a friend to become a boyfriend its just that it's not conceivable. If you couldn't see a future with that guy then there won't be future. If there are more pro's than con's then you shouldn't be reading this article but if its the other way around then you're in the right place. This process would take some time so there is no time limit on friend zoning a guy but I think the moment that you realized you can't ever date him you should get started immediately otherwise you'll get stuck in an icky situation.

Step two: Recognize the signs then put a plug in it!

No! This is one problem that duct tape can not fix so don't go taping him to the wall until he promises not to hit on you. The term "putting a plug in it" is not in any way related to any sort of violence. 

Its not really hard to know when a guy is thinking about asking you out, he kind of hints at it. Asks where would you like to go out, when are you free, we should grab something to eat sometimes etc... I call it the stalker level, he wants to know your schedule, know what you're doing, he's trying to get you to promise something then he is going to turn that into a date. You need to stop that immediately! I would advise you to avoid going anywhere alone with him, you may not have intended it to be, but when two people go somewhere by themselves its going to click in his head that it's a "date". When not if, he asks these questions it is very important to respond in a noncommittal type of way, say something like, "I don't know" or "I would love to but my schedule is not flexible" things like that should tell him that you are not really interested. 

Step three: DO NOT LEAD HIM ON!

I capitalize that for a reason, sometimes the comments that you make wasn't meant to be taken that way but boys will be boys, so they took it that way. I am a person that flirts on a regular basis, it is pretty much embedded in my speech, sometimes I didn't mean to say it that way but I did. I try not to give him expectations that would never be met. Never answer any questions with a "maybe" since it is open to interpretation, it won't be taken as "maybe not" but most likely as a challenge. I would never allow myself to go out alone with him because as my previous section stated, it is a sign that there is more to come. 

NEVER FLIRT!!!!! Some may not know how to differentiate between normal conversation and flirting here is my definition of what is flirting.

• Smiling a lot at him (a genuine-its-so-great-to-see-you smile can be taken the wrong way)
• Touching him (a hug, a comforting pat on shoulders can always be misinterpreted)
• Teasing him (talking to him about what you're wearing, your scandalous undies)
• Bringing sex into the conversation means you are thinking about sex with him

These are pretty much the basics however, not flirting doesn't mean acting like the Grinch around him, just don't give him hopes only to destroy it later. **Hint** do not follow the above checklist if you're trying to get a guy to like you or if you're a guy and girl does that, it doesn't necessarily means she wants the D.

Step four: Go hardcore

Sometimes it is hard to get the message across. One way to do it subtle is to insert the one "friend" into every single sentence your conversation multiple times but don't over do it. For example, saying phrases like "You're such a good friend", "You're the best friend ever" or "Being friends with you just makes my day". 

Never use this phrase though "You're a great friend, why are you single?" His answer would most likely be "I never met the right girl" or "Do you want to volunteer for that position?" Then it is going to get extremely awkward. Going hardcore is just the stage where you want to say the word "friend" so that he can get the message that the farthest this interaction is going to go is being friends. It has also been brought to my attention that "brother" can signal a friendship so maybe you can use it when introducing him to people. One way to term it correctly is "This is *blah blah blah*, he is such a good friend to me he is like my brother. No one wants to date their brother, it would be taboo. 

Step Five: The Fri-END ZONE

I have always wonder why the END at the back of friend stands for. I finally understand  the reason. This stage should be the final stage but you can always mix up the steps meaning you can go from step one, step three and back to step one. It is not mandatory to follow it step by step. 

At this stage its time for the talk, its going to get nasty, its going to get awkward but most importantly, its going to get the message across. Its time to tell him that you have do not have any feelings towards him other than as a friend. The previous stages should have prepared him for what was coming, but guys tends to disregard certain hints so you may have to spell it out for him. Go slowly, never raise your voice and the goal is to come out as friends not enemies. Be careful though, he may get a bit upset as you are basically cockblocking him but try to make him understand that the end results would be worth it. He may suggest he can prove that a relationship was meant to be, don't destroy his hope (there is a possibility that you may date him in the future) but never accept his challenge. If these steps did not work, keep trying them, make sure he understands that you and him will never be K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree.

Disclaimer: I have reached a new level in my life where I personally don't believe in friend-zoning guys. I can write a new post on tips to get the message across without hurting his feelings.